desaparecer

2011-05-11T19:28:00.002+08:00

Should I be angry? Would anyone else be angry if it had happened to them?

I waited for you and you treated me like a pest. Waited for you again, and you treated me like a moron. Sigh.. what to think? And now my foot is bleeding from that cursed shoe. I swear not to wear it until I absolutely must. I don't care how pretty it looks.

Brought a heavy book to school which I had no use for. Intelligent groupmates... Yeah, you betcha. Should've just said no. =.= Hais. But it's not like I'm any better. Did badly for TvProd, I think. Teacher had to stop my video multiple times during playback just to explain what was wrong with my script. I don't know if it was just cause I was first and then after that he realised it was too time-consuming or if I'm just that fucking stupid that he couldn't take it. :( This makes me very sad indeed...

I just hope when I submit my final one, it'll score well.

2011-05-05T18:12:00.002+08:00

I feel so chubby right now. I'm at school so I'm exposed to all the skinny girls of my school. Heck, even the plump ones look like they got nicer legs than me. I'm so jealous. :( Oh well... at least I got my LE Hissi on Neopets. Woo, neopets! :D (argh... why am i so chubby...)

Yesterday was Hissi day (May 4th). I freaked out yesterday at 3pm because that's 12am on Neopets (NST). And I thought that what The Neopets Team (TNT) does is release an enormous batch at 12am and that's all we get. Luckily, they decided to release a few at random times of the day. :D Yay! So I didn't miss it. I went home, and wanted to wait for more to be released. And today I had a class at 9, so it wouldn't be very intelligent of me if I stayed up just for those Hissis. So I went to sleep, feeling very sad because I was freaking sure I already lost my chance.

But then when I woke up today, the first thing I did after I bathed was check Neopets. I found out that the first batch was only released at 3.50pm NST, which is about 6 plus this morning. I missed the first batch but who cares! Still got plenty of chance lah. :D Then I went to class, completely excited. Teacher was going through stuff with my group when I decided to refresh the "Create a Neopet" page and TADAAA! HISSI RELEASED! Created one in haste but thankfully, I didn't screw up the name or colour. Otherwise I would've been very sad. YAY, HISSI! I did make a stupid mistake though. Under default settings, my Hissi "likes making friends". And they'll ask you, "How does your Neopet greet others?" So I thought it only befitting that the serpentine thing would be aggressive and selected "Attack if they are weaker". And it looks rly weird on his pet lookup. Lolol!

But the Hissi was totally worth the wait. :D Will never risk zapping it or doing any weird shit to it. It will be raised properly!

2011-04-09T20:00:00.003+08:00

Been having terrible stomach pain. It's almost unbearable... and annoying. Don't know what's wrong with me but I think I'll have to go see the doctor soon.

Everything's going wrong. Can't seem to find any energy because I just don't feel like eating anything. And when my stomach hurts, I can't tell if I'm hungry or if it's because of some kind of gastric problem. Trying to finish my drawing but I just can't find the motivation to continue. It's taking really long... already been about 3 days, I think? Can't find anything to do!! And now, school's going to start soon. One more week. I wonder who's in my class? Hopefully, everyone's nice and nobody has to go start some drama. I don't care if they're being fake nice, as long as they're nice.

Still need to clean up my room and go for some religious stuff. Sometimes I wanna just disappear and then I won't have to face all kinds of rubbish and all sorts of stupid people. I'll be lonely, maybe. But it's nothing a pet can't fix. Well, except for a fish. They're cute and kinda dumb-looking but just un-cuddle-able.

Oh God. Everytime I breathe, it hurts. Just shoot me now, please.

2011-03-17T23:40:00.002+08:00

I am furious with you.

But what do you care? You only think about yourself. You would say anything to avoid admitting that it was your fault. You come up with all sorts of excuses before even considering apologising. And even then, your apology means nothing. Acting like a martyr all the time. Like that fucking whiny Akon song about putting all the blame on him. Bullshit! Utter bullshit.

And till now, you still haven't asked me what I wanted you to ask. Great. Love it! <3 Totally love where I am right now!!!!!!!!

Why am I even here? What do I get? Where is my so-called support system? Where is the man who doesn't care only when it's convenient?

2011-02-24T19:11:00.002+08:00

Hais. Dunno la.

2011-02-10T19:05:00.002+08:00

The first year is almost over! I have only one project left. YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!! Actually, all my projects have been quite fun. Except for IS project. But let's forget about that. Anyways, I heard Year 2 will be much harder. MUCH harder. Got some advice from the seniors to sleep as much as possible now because Year 2 and 3 will kill us. Or we'll kill ourselves.

Boyfriend and I were at RP and overheard a bunch of guys talking about copying another group's powerpoint slides and changing the names. I hope they were joking. I mean, do they really believe the teacher is so retarded? OH I just thought of something interesting. Boyfriend told me a classmate of this wrote 'fuck you' in the middle of his essay just to see if the teacher was checking. But the teacher missed it. LOL.

Andandand!!!! There's this girl in class (well not for long because I'll be switching classes soon) and she didn't contribute to the final project for social psychology. Her group was nice enough to not complain about it. And people believed she was sick. :/ I can't help but feel... bleh. I mean, she could have at least worked from home right? But what do I know, I'm not involved.

Can't wait to play dota. A few days ago, I realised I play too much dota because I saw some light reflection in the bus and I thought it was a Pudge's hook coming towards the bus and my first thought was "RUN!!!!!". Boyfriend and I have not celebrated our anniversary. We put it on 2nd Feb. :3 weeeeeeeeeeee. He promised to go wimme to a dessert buffet. Did I mention I really like cake!?!?

Was just checking out the options available. Everything sounds good...

2011-01-20T21:39:00.002+08:00

I really... don't want to come off as a b**** but my groupmates are seriously pushing my limits. I mean, what kind of retards need to be asked 5 FUCKING TIMES whether they want to meet up before replying? And then they give me all sorts of other replies to questions that were never asked. Drawing one big fat circle until finally getting to the point. "Oh the video is too short..." "Oh we're rushing for time..." "Oh we'll discuss that later..." Right, I totally understand how we're rushing for time yet we should discuss urgent matters later.

What's the point of being so reluctant to meet up and delaying and wasting my damn SMSes when they already know they can't avoid it? Don't want to meet up yet still want the work to be done when there's nothing I can do to help over the phone. ZZZZZZZZZ. And it doesn't matter that the video formats being screwed up pissed them off because I was just as irritated. And there's no need to patronise me. I would've snapped if we didn't need to continue working together. I'm not their damn dog. I'm only doing all this because I know the both of them are too incompetent and full of complaints to finish it properly. They'd just screw it over like how they did the first project. And I guess it was my fault for not being firm with my suggestions.

I try to be polite. I really do. I checked the fucking date for presentation and it's in week 15. They don't believe me, just say "Huh? It's week 14." No, you fucking morons. So to prove this, I go down to the fucking office, call up the fucking teacher and ask her when the fucking presentation is. "Yeap, week 15." I sms them that and not even a word of thanks. Wow. Good fucking luck going out to real world with those manners. Whatever.

To be honest, I dreaded doing this 2nd project with you guys. But it would be rude to leave and find another group. Plus the teacher probably wouldn't approve and then I'd be stuck with you guys and it would be a whole new level of awkward.

2010-12-30T21:48:00.003+08:00

I just visited stomp and it's ridiculous how some Singaporeans ~~men~~ BOYS like to complain about how Singaporean ladies aren't as sexy as the ang mohs. Why? Are they Brad Pitt? Ryan Reynolds? My ass lah! Most of them so skinny, no muscle, still want to say Singapore ladies are flat-chested. Some of them beef up till their heads disappear into their muscles. Gross! And frankly, I've seen way more pretty girls than handsome guys. I'm not trying to be mean, but I just feel so... angry! We girls don't complain, why should the guys? And I bet if the girls were actually as tall as ang mohs, we'd be the ones feeling out of place since we can't find a guy who is tall enough. But why should we feel out of place? Isn't it the guy's job to be taller? And what's the deal with skinny guys and skinny jeans? Don't they know how sickly thin they look with skinny jeans? It's fucking hideous.

Also, they complain we have no guts to take sexy photos. Let me just tell you what will happen. We take these photos, guys will probably find something to complain about the photo. Not chio enough, not ang moh enough, not busty enough, not un-singaporean enough. OR let's say the photo happens to be very sexy. Other girls will start bitching about that girl. GUARANTEED. So what to do? Please guy or please girl?

I can't help but feel indignant whenever I hear my guy friends calling it a 'buffet' when they see a lot of girls. I know they're just joking, but can the guy even get the girl or not? Cannot then work on it before complaining lah! Ben dan.

JUST SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ANGRY. Stupid inconsiderate things.

2010-12-17T00:47:00.003+08:00

Oh my goodness. Listening to Maplestory's music makes me damn sad. I have no idea why. Maybe a reminder of the good times? Times are still pretty okay right now. But... damn, I really miss playing with friends on Maple. Listening to the background theme of Ellinia now. Oh, how it was usually accompanied with the sound of Slimes dying! D: Think I'll just collapse from overwhelming emotions if I listen to El Nath's. Wattafack... maybe I was in the 'growing up' stage when I listened to these songs, so they got stuck in my head. Don't really feel like sleeping. But I know I should. Or else I'll really regret it tomorrow. D:

I remember how freaking ridiculous the quests were. At level 30 you have to kill.. uhm... Cold Eye? And it was probably like 50 Cold Eye. The worst ones are when you have to collect items which the monsters drop. But these items don't drop everytime. Sucks. :/ And asking people to come train with you because otherwise it would just be so SIANNNNNN. And listening to people mega-ing and letting everyone know that they've hit level 70. And travelling all over the place because I just freaking love travelling about in Maple. And my friend would tell me, "Omg, just use the damned town scroll." And spending loads on A-cash because it was the 'in' thing. It probably still is.

And then you must always remember to trade fame everyday. (haha 'trade fame'.) Because if you don't then you'll have wasted a day's opportunity. And then get scammed if you meet bad people.

Taking the ship to Orbis was the most exhilarating experience ever as a noob. We'd go in and out of the cabin (which was safe) and check if there was a Balrog. And if you're thief class, then lucky you cause you get dark sight which allows you to move about without getting touched by the monsters. But sometimes it doesn't work. I think on the returning journey to Victoria Island it doesn't.

And jumping quests are the most fun because I don't have to kill things (it gets a little boring for me aft a while). Jumping quests are freaking awesome because you can go back and get ores. The harder the quest, the better the ores. :D Sleepywood dungeon is also friggin' fun cause usually what my friends and I do is that we level up so that when we die, we don't minus EXP. Then we'll explore the cave and go to the deepest parts where the strong monsters are. Just looking at them made you feel awesome and tiny.

Okay I think that's enough rambling. D: Just really miss playing Maplestory.

2010-11-21T20:52:00.003+08:00

There's this girl in class who reminds me of you. She's getting ostracized for being incredibly annoying because she just can't make up her mind who she wants to be friends with. Sounds like you, because you couldn't live without your hi-bye friends so much that you just ignored those who initially cared about you. It took me awhile to realise I wasn't the first to feel this way.. Even though I feel sorry for that girl, I really don't want to work with her. What to do, I'm just too polite. Plus it's not like anyone else will have her so we'll be forced to work with her even if we protest. And if we protest, then get forced to work with her, I'm sure it'll be much more difficult not to mention awkward..

Also, should I continue being polite? It's incredibly tiring.. All the fucking obligations and stuff. Gah.

2010-11-14T00:41:00.002+08:00

I hate this. I feel so dumb and useless. I don't really have an opinion on contemporary issues because I don't really care about contemporary issues. But it seems smart people = people who care and have smart things to say about it. And this just makes me feel useless. Really fucking useless. I'm mainly focused on small little insignificant me, like what I'm going to do with my life, am I going to stick to the plan or not.. yadda yadda. So I guess that kind of explains why I don't give a fuck about 'Tradition vs Modernity'. I can't be bothered to think, to search and find out what I think of it. So I just write the basics. I struggle to write the basics. Is this what my IS module is for? To make me feel inadequate and like a NOOOOOOB FUCKKKKKK.

Well I guess in a sense it's okay... I mean, I've always known I'm not really that mature.. so I'll always just be speaking from an immature viewpoint.. :/ Sigh. It just hurts to know that I'm dumb, is all.

In Joey's words, this is all a 'moo point'. It just doesn't matter. -is sad- .___.

2010-11-09T20:26:00.002+08:00

Out of sheer boredom.

1. Where were you 3 hours ago?
In school.

2. Who are you in love with?
*gigglegiggle* Just an incredibly smexy nerd. KAPOWWWWWWWW!!!!!

3. Have you ever eaten a crayon?
No. Yuck!

4. Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
Yeah.

5. When is the last time you went to the mall?
Last Friday! :DDD Nyahahahaha the Boyyyyyfrienddddd makes sure that I don't turn all mouldy at home.

6. Are you wearing socks right now?
No.

7. Do you have a car worth over $2,000?
HAH.

8. When was the last time you drove out of town?
Never.

9. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?
Yeahhhhhhh.

10. Are you hot?
Am I super physically attractive? No.

11. What was the last thing you had to drink?
Uhmz. Teh-o. Which is tea.

12. What are you wearing right now?
Clothessssssssssssssss......

13. Do you wash your car or let the car wash do it?
I don't have a car!!!!!

14. Last food that you ate?
Yo Ramly, you're with the family! Your meat is manly! Get fatter than FATTTTTT.

15. Where were you last week at this time?
Home.

16. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
Yeah.

17. When is the last time you ran?
HAAAAA. Does running because I'm rushing count?

18. What's the last sporting event you watched?
Invalid! Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

19. What is your favorite animal?
Horsey. But then again, maybe a stag.

20. Your dream vacation?
Just going to Japan and visiting the villages instead of the urban cities.

21. Last person's house you were in?
Mine?

22. Worst injury you've ever had?
Uhm... a really deep cut!

23. Have you been in love?
I AM!!!!! Heehee~

24. Do you miss anyone right now?
Yes. Surprisingly. I miss my dad. Not my boyfriend. Because he's online right now and I'm doing this survey so I'm not missing him. But I miss my dad for some weird reason.

25. Last play you saw?
Omg, I don't know. Does Cirque de Soleil count as a play?

26. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
Well, I can't share that with you now, can I.

27. What are your plans for tonight?
Play then sleep.

28. Who is the last person you sent a MySpace message or comment?
NOBADDYYYYYY.

29. Next trip you are going to take?
Probably to.. uhm.. Idk. School trip?

30. Ever go to camp?
Yes. I hate camps. Will never go unless I don't have a choice.

31. Were you an honor roll student in school?
No.

32. What do you want to know about the future?
Oh. :/ I like surprises.

33. Are you wearing any perfume or cologne?
No.

34. Are you due sometime this year for a doctor's visit?
No.

35. Where is your best friend?
~~Dead.~~ HAH NO OMG. It's just a habit to respond with "Dead" everytime someone asks me that. Best friend is Boyfriend. And he's at home.

36. How is your best friend?
Stressed? Yet motivated? I think..

37. Do you have a tan?
Not a nice one.

38. What are you listening to right now?
My computer fan thingy.

39. Do you collect anything?
Well, just weird stuff that I come across occasionally.

40. Who is the biggest gossiper you know?
HOOOOOOOOOOO. Wouldn't you like to know..

41. Last time you got stopped by a cop or pulled over?
Never happened.

42. Have you ever drank your soda from a straw?
Yeah.

43. What does your last text message say?
'Hais... Can come out and sit awhile? If u lazy its okay.'

44. Do you like hot sauce?
.____. do you mean like chilli sauce. It depends.

45. Last time you took a shower?
Just 40 mins ago.

46. Do you need to do laundry?
Not right now.

47. What is your heritage?
I AM HAPPI STINKAPOREAN CHINESE.

48. Are you someone's best friend?
Iono. AM I!?!?

49. Are you rich?
No. But I'm not poor either. (reminds me of people who always claim that I'm rich and want nothing more than to get some free stuff outta me..)

50. What were you doing at 12AM last night?
Sleeping.

***

Something really MORTIFYING happened today. So I was in Speech Comm class and we had to give a 1-min speech on a friend of ours. We were given 20 minutes to prepare for the speech, ask our friends for details about them. Meaning ask about their hobbies, interests, any memorable incidents... etc.

So my friend, who I will name B throughout this entire post, decided to ask me some stuff. So B asked me many questions, blahblahblah, and then finally asked me who I thought the hottest guy in MCM was. So I thought about it. Really thought about it. I mean some are physically attractive but I wouldn't say that they are hot. Anyways, I just told B that I thought he was the hottest. And he laughed. Then he said he couldn't say that because it would make him shy and uncomfortable. So I gave him another name (who we will call C) and then he was all who's that. And some guy beside was like, "LOL REALLY? HAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA." CHILDISH!! D: AND I ONLY SAID 'C' WAS HOT BECAUSE OF HIS VOICE. I REALLY LIKE HIS VOICE. BUT THAT'S ALL!!!! (y'know it's just one of those things people don't believe you the more you deny but yet you just can't NOT deny it because it is too untrue.)

And so, he ended up announcing it to the class as he gave his speech. YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH and after that I got all sorts of shit. Haaaaa. And during lecture some guy said, "Hey C, have you met Marilyn?" Okay well it was kinda funny.

AND THEN BOYFRIEND SURPRISED ME WITH A SURPRISE VISIT! SURPRISEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! -is happy-

2010-11-08T09:34:00.002+08:00

I've never known any greater difficulty than having to forgive simply because.

2010-10-29T00:21:00.001+08:00

They call it paradise,
I don't know why.
You call someplace paradise,
Kiss it goodbye.

2010-10-15T18:34:00.003+08:00

:3 I think I would love being a PI. Heehee...

It sucks that Mr. Slow has to go back to school one week earlier than me. Well, at least it gives me time to mentally prepare myself for DOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!! I need to bathe. I stink to the heavens. Also, I am so proud of myself because I bought two books from a cute gift shop! Ah, I have really outdone myself! :DDDDDDDDD I'm so awesome. I just know it! Okay, some of you might think that I'm such a loser because I'm so easily impressed with myself. WELL, GUESS WHAT!?!? I'M AWESOME AND YOU KNOW IT!!

..DON'T JUDGE ME!!!

(P:| <--- this looks like an Elvis Presley smiley, no?)

2010-10-12T16:53:00.002+08:00

This is open letter to Mr. Slow. Its main purpose is to torment him.

Dear Mr. Slow,

I'm sooooooooooooo sadddddddddddddddd because you promised to play a game with me but decided to study and then take a nap.

- Soon-to-be-ex-if-you-don't-do-something-about-it-Girlfriend.

Naw, I'm just messing wit ya. :D

2010-10-12T16:45:00.001+08:00

Eye candy makes people feel better. :D

2010-10-11T22:21:00.002+08:00

Sorry, boyfriend. I am a grouch D: But I'm happy you like me even though I dropped some fish and it landed between my toes. :D Yay, boyfriend!!

(oh god you're not replying my sms. did you get murdered on the way back?)

2010-10-10T00:01:00.002+08:00

I am dreading school.

It makes me really sad to think about it, almost sad enough to cry. Almost. It's not that I have any vehement protests against school. It's just that I don't really talk to anyone at school and Mr. Slow (who will soon have a different nickname) will be very very VERY busy. I suppose I won't be as busy.. I think? I don't really know. Anyway, being away from Mr. Slow stresses me out. I suppose I've become too attached. It can't really be helped now, can it.. =.=

And there will be Speech Comm which will freak me out because I still have a problem with public speaking! Oh gawd, I can't bear to think of the nightmare that awaits me, tormenting me while I'm kept in anxiety and fear for what is to come. Well, at least I'll still be in the same class so no pressure to meet new people and make new friends. As always, socialising is a huge problem for me because I wonder if I should say this or if that's too harsh and by the time I'm done thinking, I've overshot the 'comfortable thinking silence' period, or whatever that's called.

I just told Mr. Slow that I might have a pimple on my lip, because it feels like one. Then he said, "Maybe it's an ulcer." And naturally the emotion I felt = *facepalm*. I mean, obviously it's an ulcer. Why did I forget that these things were called ulcers?

It baffles me that people like Oreo Crush bubble tea. One example, (obviously) Mr. Slow. I don't get it. It's so sweet, you can taste the Oreo's cream in the drink. Which is kind of weird. Why don't people drink something normal like Mocha? :D Mocha is the way to go! (Fuck... I lost my train of thought here because my mum shouted something and now I can't remember what the fuck I wanted to say. All I can think of right now is how much I hate going to church.)

Since I can't think of anything maybe I should just go and leave it here incomp-

2010-09-29T23:15:00.002+08:00

:/

Fights always make me cry. Or at least tear up a little. It's not that I get sad about losing a friend or whatever, although occasionally that might be the case. But usually it's more about me being under a lot of stress and during fights, there are always loud noises which freak me out and make me want to hurt the person causing those noises. When I get too worked up or angry, I cry. When I get too scared and I start yelling, I cry. It's not that I like to yell, but it just seems like the right thing to do when in a fight. I know sensible people prefer to stay calm and gather their nerves and have their argument like well-mannered adults. But I don't like being quiet during a fight where I am directly involved because that makes me even more uncomfortable so I would rather start yelling and make no sense and act like an idiot and then start to break down instead of thinking and planning out my thoughts on what to say next. Anyway, I always assume people don't care about logic anymore when they start fighting. I mean, c'mon, you only care about winning the argument at that point right? Being under that kind of pressure and atmosphere just makes me cry and in very serious situations, tremble. I don't know why. I wish it didn't, but it does. And sometimes I really feel like gouging my eyes out because I really hate crying. The worst part about crying is when I start to wail uncontrollably. I just can't seem to shut the fuck up and then breathing gets difficult for me when it's really serious. That annoys the shitxczxcz outta me. I wish I could be like the cool people in those cheesy/sappy/lalala Korean dramas that my mum loves so much. Or like anime where they reach the conclusion or end of the battle and victorious music is playing and the winner says something cool like, "Because of blahblah, I can keep going forward! :DD" or "I swore to protect blahblah with all my life, so I definitely will not lose (and you can suck it!) :DD" and the defeated enemy will glare at him/her and say, "Dammit..." or "You..." or "I'm not done yet.." but collapse as soon as he tries to regain his dignity by standing up to fight some more. Oh gawd I watch too much anime. Soz, even though this might seem childish but I would just like to say, "I win!" Heehee.

2010-09-17T23:10:00.002+08:00

Lately, the people living upstairs seem to have become more and more active. I mean I would hear them walking around once in awhile, but recently it got a lot worse. It freaks me out! It reminds me of demented ghost children running about, searching for their victim. I'm always expecting a face to pop through my ceiling (oh fuck I hope I didn't just jinx myself.) and slowly descend towards me until it's almost touching me and I'll be able to smell its putrid breath, whatever chicken blood dog blood horse blood it has consumed. And as I no longer have curtains in my room, before I go to sleep I always check to see if anybody's watching me.. Fuck! And then Mr. Slow made me watch a horror movie today. (Good going, boyfriend.) :3 I know that even though I've watched it before, I still got scared. (and just at this moment I paused because I though i heard something jump.. and land on my floor. false alarm. ..and now i farted.)

:/ I want to play a game now..

2010-09-12T20:42:00.000+08:00

I swear this is awesome :3 hehe.

2010-09-05T00:16:00.003+08:00

Zomg. It's so cute that I feel like I should do something to express myself but I don't know what.

2010-08-31T19:31:00.003+08:00

You guys seriously (or not) have to watch this if you're bored. xD For those who don't appreciate dialect, please don't snub it just because it's not... uhm... Whatever, just watch the damn thing! :D

2010-08-31T18:42:00.003+08:00

I realised today that actually, I can't listen to songs and study at the same time. Even though I'm in the mood to study, if I listen to a song, I tend to start singing along and before I know it, I'm dancing to it. Well, it's more like moving awkwardly and doing weird hand actions. But anyway, you get my drift. It makes me feel kinda.. old-fashioned. Because cool and hip youngsters are all like, "Check it out, yoz! I kan listen to mah awesumz songz while I study, yoz!" Then I begin to doubt myself. So many times my friends have remarked that I listen to music that is way soft. So many times I've found myself cringing while others are grooving to music like Pitbull or Ke$ha. (.. Ke$ha.. *shudders*) So many times I've been told bad jokes that would make others roar with hysterical laughter while I'm just laughing for the sake of being polite. AM I REALLY A TEENAGER!? Or perhaps I could look at it this way, that I am a grown ass woman who no longer needs to be immature or run around chasing guys to get their attention! Haha yeah I just admitted that I do that.. SOMETIMES. Other times, I really mean to beat the shit outta that guy.

*inhale*

Happy Teachers' Day to all the teachers out there who are forced to take shit from their students every single day and still have not killed themselves. No presents for anyone though. What is an ideal gift for a teacher? A pen? A red pen? A red pen with an 'Excellent!' stamp on top? Ate at Seoul Garden with some friends and Mr. Slow. I still reek of that place. I can't believe I've never noticed that I smell like this everytime I come out of there until today. He brought his younger sister along. Meowz~ I like her, even when she gets talkative. HAHHHAAA. So Mr. Slow's exam is in.. two days? I'm feeling nervous for him. I feel so nervous, I feel like I'm the one who has to take his fucking exam. And mine is next week. GUESS WHAT SUCKERS!? I ONLY HAVE ONE PAPER. And there are some who have none at all. Lucky bastards. Lucky basterts.

Go clickehh that clickehh button because it's funny. .. To me. When you go there, you'll be all, "Wtf, people actually do this!?" Unless you already know.. then it's not surprising anymore. I babble. .___.

2010-08-30T23:18:00.003+08:00

When you want to insult someone, please be sure to put your years of knowledge into (good?) use. Because when you insult someone, most often, they will find any way to attack back. For me, it would most likely be through your limited vocabulary, if that is your weak point. Allow me to elaborate.

Using the word 'lousy' over and over again does not make it any more powerful nor does it prove anything, save for your utter inferiority. Even a 7-year-old knows what that means. Also, don't be so quick to criticise anything you can talk about. Use your mushy jelly thingy up there, even if it is agonising. Say something that is true (shocking revelation!?). Otherwise it just supports the belief that you're another medical miracle, someone who functions without a brain. But then again, to function is to work, therefore you might not even be considered as 'functioning'. Once your weakness has been found, once you're reduced to a stuttering, stammering mess, crazyass people like me will crush you.

I will go into overdrive and berserk mode. I am Steelix at level 100. I am Attila the motherf*cking Hun. I will pound your pitiful being into the ground and I will pull out your nails one by one. And then I will set you on fire.

Of course, if you happen to be a friend, or a friend of a friend, I tend to be.. more tolerant. HAHAA actually I probably won't say anything at all except, "Hais.". Yeaaaaaaaaaap. Awesumz. ^^

P.S: My stomach? Fucking insatiable.

2010-08-29T23:45:00.002+08:00

I'm kind of worried over a small matter.. That Mr. Slow might become too dependent on FACEBOOK. In all honesty, its very name makes me feel.. contempt. I won't deny that I STRONGLY dislike Facebook, which naturally leads me to judge people who overuse Facebook by posting something every fucking minute even though it has nothing to do with me. .___. Gawsh I'm such a.. meanie (euphemism). But I know some people just sign on cause they literally have nothing else to do and Facebook is.. fun? Well, 0kay I'll agree that Word Challenge is fun. HAHAHA. Anyway, as I was saying, I'm worried because I have this idea that guys shouldn't be all about Facebook. It gives me the idea that they're less macho. Maybe because there's no more mystery? I mean, mysterious guys are always so attractive.. generally. Unless they overdo it. BUT I DIGRESS. In my brain, I stereotype guys. To me, they should be running around, playing some kind of sports, rolling around in the mud.. etc. Or if they're too old for that then they should be working instead of messing around with Facebook. Or at least be playing other games that involve violence and DESTRUCTION, BABEHH. I understand it can be very damaging as reality doesn't always agree with what I picture. I don't know.. it just irks me when people can never tear away from Facebook. What I mean is like whenever you look at your classmate's laptop screen, all you see is Facebook. And when you discover you wish to treasure your privacy by not posting what you had for lunch or what you're doing right now, it's too late. Some weirdass organisation is probably going to come up with some tracking device which they'll force on us and we'll be communicating through thoughts even if we don't want to..

So Mr. Slow, please don't ever get addicted to Facebook!

Anyhoo, TOMORROW IS TEACHERS' DAY!! Yay~! -cheer- I would like to go back and visit Mr. Chong. But I've got a feeling I won't visit. Meh.

2010-08-28T01:27:00.002+08:00

'Curse of the Deserted' was a total waste of money. Step Up 3, however, is totally AWESUMZZZZ!! Only thing that annoyed me was how much the lead actress looked like the lead actress from Step Up 2. I'm sure you think so too, right!? Okay maybe you wouldn't see how it's annoying, even if you did notice the resemblance.

On a completely unrelated note, I hate how some restaurants don't serve plain water. I mean, what the hell? And you expect me to pay GST for that shitass service?

Back to the topic. Step Up 3 is a lot better than the other two Step Up's. There's more dancing, and the dancing is wayyyyyyyy cooler so you can just imagine it'll be like WHOAAAAAAA. And I know I'm a lagger but I only got to watch Paranormal Activity today with Mr. Slow and now it has got me really paranoid. I'm tempted to film whatever goes on in the night while I'm asleep. That shit is really scary. Especially the ending part where she gets possessed and walks down to the first level and suddenly screams, "MICAAAAAHHHHHHH, MICAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" It sounded really demonic and freaked the shit outta me. Damn. I'm such a wuss, man.

And I found this really sad story on STOMP:
http://singaporeseen.stomp.com.sg/stomp/sgseen/this_urban_jungle/439646/surefire_tearjerker_cat_tries_to_revive_dead_partner.html

Well, I didn't cry but still it's touching. And now I'm hungry even though I shouldn't be because I'm pretty sure I've already consumed 10 cows. And whatever was in their stomach before.

I feel really happy right naoz, despite having lost many times today in L4D2. My ear is bleeding so I have to go and make it stop bleeding now. PEACE OUT, MUTHAFUCKAAAHHHS.

2010-08-17T00:21:00.003+08:00

I just needed to say this...

You care too much what others think.

2010-08-17T00:06:00.002+08:00

OH MY GOD. Sigh, I know I should be grateful that my mum cleaned my room for me but I can't help but feel... ugh. I really hate it when people go through my things because they'll probably come across a lot of stuff. And the worst part is she took down my curtains. I really like to sleep in my underwear. But now, because i don't have my bloody curtains, I can't. Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck. I just hope she didn't see anything she shouldn't. Gah omg. Still... gotta love her for being such a good mum sometimes. Just wish she wasn't SO good. ==..

2010-08-14T13:06:00.002+08:00

Fuck it. Fuck life. Just die and end all damn fucking arguments.

2010-08-12T01:14:00.001+08:00

HEHEHEHE. Mushy-ness overload. Please take in healthy doses.

[krabbeh] says:
see the pig
so cute
like me :3
anyw
<333
[ChOoNy] says:
u high ar
ARE U FEELING LOVEY DOVEY NOW
[krabbeh] says:
no not high at all.
[ChOoNy] says:
THE SAME FEELING LIKE MINE
[krabbeh] says:
HAHAHAH
YOU JUST ADMITTED
YOU LOVE YOUR GIRLF
OMG
CHOONY LOVE HIS GIRLF
[ChOoNy] says:
SO U ADMIT ALSO LAR
[krabbeh] says:
I GNA BLOG
COPY AND PASTE.
girl lovey dovey nvm one ma
guy lovey dovey very GAY
AHAHAHAHA'
[ChOoNy] says:
U BETTER PASTE UR EMOTICON ALSO
[krabbeh] says:
AHAHAHAHA CHOONY GAY.
CHOONY GAY
[ChOoNy] says:
WTF
[krabbeh] says:
:3 i go blog this chat now.

2010-07-20T00:57:00.002+08:00

Tired. Completely exhausted, yet unable to sleep. So I came online. Louis was nice enough to ask his dad to gimme a lift home. Thanksssssss. Otherwise I think I might just drop dead. Was close to dropping dead in his car.. Sigh. Missing Mr. Slow right now. Stupid idiot fell asleep on me while we're smsing halfway. _l_

Well. I'm confused. Omfgoodness I duno what to think right now. Why? Why? Why? All I can ask myself is why. Why did I let it happen, knowing it would turn out this way? Why did I go ahead, even though I knew it's wrong. I don't understand myself! Do I just like to give myself a reason to self-destruct. Maybe I am secretly a masochist. Yes, that must be it. Fuck. I'm so useless. I just want to bang my head against the wall. Those words keep replaying in my head.. It's been awhile since I've heard anyone ask me that. Made me feel awkward, but yet nice because it was familiar. Fuck. Somebody just kill me now... Sigh. Stressful. Really really really really stressful. I want to escape. I want to go back and undo the things that I shouldn't have done. But look at me now.. Look at what I've done to myself. Seriously, never would've thought it was possible to be in such a bad state...

2010-07-18T14:40:00.003+08:00

Pardon me, it hasn't been easy trying to forget. When I think about you, the first few things that I remember are the mean things that you've said or done to me. I don't think about the good things, the good side of you. It could be that you are actually that terrible or that you just made me hate you too much. It's strange that you could still mean a lot to me. But fuck that, I won't let you fuck things up again.

~~Can I have a tissue, please?~~

2010-07-13T22:21:00.002+08:00

Continued...

51. Compulsory camps.

52. When I order a chocolate drink and they give me milo.

53. Not having enough coins for a vending machine thingy.

54. WHEN PEOPLE DON'T STICK TO THEIR BUDGET. HONESTLY...

55. Having to ask questions more than twice. (I tend to just say okay I get it.)

56. Writer's block.

57. Not being able to think of cool insults.

58. Not being able to find a toilet when I'm realllllyyyyyyy urgent.

59. Being too healthy.

60. When I find a good blogskin design but cheesy words just fuck it up.

61. Sticking to my principles.

62. Forgetting people's names/faces/numbers.

63. Rude foreigners who insult Singapore IN Singapore. (pls be careful patriotic gangsters dont beat the shit outta you.)

64. Regretting.

65. NOT HAVING ANY TISSUE PAPER especially when my mucus is overflowing =x

66. When I keep sniffling in a quiet room.

67. Painful shoes which look good...

68. Not understanding Chinese that well. .___. disgrace.

69. Having to participate in some church thingy because my mum volunteered me.

70. Having too many wires.

71. Sweating, because no other girl seems to sweat as much as me. Gawsh I'm gross.

72. When my dad asks me how old I am. SERIOUSLY DAD.

73. ALWAYS when the red ninja comes.

74. Looking in the mirror.

75. Getting paranoid after watching a horror movie, which makes it difficult for me to sleep.

76. When I'm in public and a book makes me cry. ==

77. Taking too long to learn something.

78. Cheesy family movies.

79. Having a different opinion compared to others.

80. Horses that bite! :[ really... just wanted to touch them.

81. Coloured tattoos.

82. Really really REALLY bratty kids.

83. Bad Christians! :/

84. Being too attached to people's presents. (I always imagine they have souls if you get too attached)

85. Cats that ignore you. .___.

86. Having to leave when a good movie/show is on.

87. Rushing when it's rainy because all the mud and shit gets on your legs.

88. When I have the sudden urge to bite someone's shoulder.

89. DROOLING. lol.

90. People forcing me to take pictures.

91. When the train/bus is crowded with smelly people... sorry, can't help it.

92. When not-so-close friends sit beside me on a bus/train and try to maintain a conversation throughout the entire journey.

93. Not being able to finish food by the expiry date!

94. Forgetting the something I have to do over and over and over again.

95. Having to pee when I'm in the middle of something fun/important. -goes to pee-

96. When I finally plan to eat less and my mother comes home with something like bakkwa.

97. When people say "It's your future..etc"

98. Being unable to break bad habits!

99. Breaking pretty stuff...

100. When coins fall out of the hole in my wallet's coin pocket.

2010-07-12T23:02:00.002+08:00

Random post because I'm bored.

100things that annoy me:

1. Conversation starters like "Where you going to?"

2. Dying conversations.

3. Pointless questions like "Have you eaten?" ( unless you wanna have lunch wimme but i doubt it)

4. Forgetting where I put my stuff, esp when I had it minutes ago.

5. High-pitched voices that are squeaky.

6. Arrogant people.

7. When my dog gets too playful and bites my leg.

8. When my dog scratches my leg.

9. Last minute stuff.

10. Stupid people who gossip to the wrong people.

11. People who don't think it's important to respect others' privacy.

12. People who have bad English and yet laugh at others. (used to be guilty of this)

13. People who laugh at others' accents.

14. Racists.

15. Animal abuse.

16. Losing... .___.

17. When I finally decide to wear make-up for fun and it makes me late.

18. Hearing girls say, "I'm so fat." (guilty of this but I am fat :/...)

19. when I'm about to sleep and someone texts me telling me to go online.

20. Wanting to wear something nice but not having anything nice to wear.

21. Waiting for days to pass quickly.

22. Common English errors made by Mass Comm students. (i mean, dont we have some kind of standard.)

23. Authors who leave their online stories to rot halfway.

24. Not being able to sleep early enough.

25. when I could actually be just on time but I had to do something stupid like take the wrong bus.

26. Overly-hairy guys.. seriously.. it's just disturbing.

27. Disgusting sex jokes.

28. Lame jokes, unless it's really funny.

29. Guys with that Bieber hairstyle, especially since most of them aren't good-looking.

30. People playing Paramore over and over again. Or Pitbull.

31. Abortions.

32. Mean pretty girls.

33. people who think I don't know what I'm talking about

34. wanting to eat something like chocolate or dry biscuits but having no water.

35. When drivers don't use their turning signal thingys.

36. The word 'emo'

37. Songs that are all about sex.

38. People who feel the need to tell me I do stupid things. No, I don't. Now fuck off.

39. Losers who purposely irritate others or want to start a fight or just make it tense so it's more exciting for them.

40. Losers who purposely make others feel bad like "I wanted to yell at you but you look so pathetic so nvm."

41. Stubbing my toe.

42. Idiots who can't tell they have bad friends. == honestly. Understandable if you're 15 or younger.

43. People who have the cheek to ask for bday gifts when they didn't even say happy bday.

44. when people breathe and have that whistling noise through their nose. I know they can't really help it but... (mostly guys are the ones)

45. When Caspar is smelly =x

46. Having to cancel plans that I've made for the third time.

47. Diarrhoea.

48. People who force themselves to drink (occasionally guilty of this)

49. Having to lend people money because it's an obligation and you know they won't pay you back.

50. Really itchy and yucky-looking mosquito bites.

Just half for now! Need to sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

2010-07-09T00:41:00.003+08:00

MUSHY post! Don't read if you're likely to puke =x

Right now I feel all lovey-dovey inside. Feels warm and awesome like my blanket. I've changed my bedsheets, yay me! Well, actually they've been changed for quite awhile now. Guess who helped xD Anyhoo, just had to get this out. I like hugs. I like telling my stories to him. I like that he's the only one I tell my stories to. I should be asleep right now but all this lovey-dovey feeling makes me want to blog. Haven't been to school in two days. Actually it feels pretty awesome to not be in school. Probably won't be in school again tomorrow. Wonder if I'll get kicked out? Meow. Got called for some Christiera Programme. Heard it's sort of a prestigious programme but how prestigious can it get when it's for those who scored 10 points and below for O's and that's quite a large group for 2009's batch... Usually prestigious = small group = ppl like me don't usually get in. But I'll learn to be grateful. Meow~ Recently got addicted to the GTA on his comp. Gothic 3 would be as fun if I could just snatch somebody's car and pretend it's totally okay and not random. Hehe just a random point. I really like being praised by Mr. Slow. But sometimes one can't help but wonder if their girlf/boyf's just praising them cause they like them or if they genuinely mean it. My CCA is fucking awesome! So Mr. Slow and I went on a very short shopping trip today. Just what I like. Because long shopping trips just make me want to die, especially if there's nothing for me to buy, since I'm so picky. And he bought a red shirt! I'm so sad that he doesn't wear double layer just because he thinks it looks gangster-ish .__. Double layer always looks good on a guy.. almost always anyway. His hair is so short now, like freshly mown grass. AAAAHAHAHAHAA. I'm getting fatter. Some day I might just wake up and poke my rolls of fat saying, "What the hell is that?" And get distressed all over again. Anyways Mr. Slow thought I wanted a real ring, like with a diamond. And I told him no, because what I really want is a cheapskate ring from Couple Lab. But the surprise is ruined now. .__. Oh wells. CAN'T WAIT TO TAKE HIS SISTER TO THE ZOOOOOOOOOO. I'm worried about next time, if his parents speak to me in Chinese I'll just be tongue-tied and ZOMG-faced. No biggie, I survived once, when his dad asked me where I got my noodles from and he said another stall had better noodles. IT WAZZ AWKWARD.. Wonder if I should skip tomorrow's class.. it's not very healthy to be doing that but I really like being away from people I don't know or don't like. The sensible part of me is saying it's not okay to skip school just because I really dread it. But then again, I am not known for being sensible.

Still don't feel sleepy enough..

2010-07-03T22:04:00.002+08:00

Common test results are horrible. Anticipation sucks. But it's hard to say which is worse, the anticipation or actually looking at your not-so-great results. Gah. Well, no failures at least. Just not very well done. I should've studied? But then again, being me, I don't study. It just isn't my thing. Heard Yoshi failed 3 outta 4. Wtfack. Heard Phoebe failed 1. Hope she's not depressed over it. Sigh. Haven't seen her in awhile.

I don't know when the YOG holidays are coming but Mr. Slow and I have decided to take his little sister to the zoo!! I'm so excited, so is she. Because I haven't been to the zoo in awhile. It's going to be hot, which means I can't wear jeans. Okay, I haven't worn jeans for a few months already, so that last comment was totally irrelevant. Let's hope it doesn't rain. I should bring water and some small snacks just in case we are too poor to get any food. =x Other than that we don't have much to worry about. I don't really want to bring an umbrella. It is a good opportunity to wear a pretty straw sun hat and a floral dress, both of which I do not possess. Meow~

Oh I just found out YOG hols are.. in August... which is really far away!! ._. Can't wait for it to reach soon. Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned my idea so soon? Little people get impatient easily and she'll be disappointed. I wonder what she'll think of us when she grows up? Maybe she'll just forget us. I think I used to admire my sister when I was small, even though she bullied me and sometimes I hated her. But now, I don't really feel much. Sometimes I still admire her, but not as much. Because now I'm big too!

Speaking of common test, Mr. Slow scored pretty well for his exams. -jealous- But he says his class did pretty well overall so it was an easy test? Unfair. And I have modules like graphic comm.. == Well, 'persevere to succeed' by giving 'my best & more', no? I have no idea what NP's motto is.

2010-06-27T00:10:00.002+08:00

I dread school. And Choon is off cycling around Choa Chu Kang. This makes me very sad and depressed yet not depressed enough to cry which makes me feel suppressed which makes me feel worse overall. I have church tomorrow. Probably won't be going to SP to do his project. Does that mean I won't get to see him tomorrow? :/ sigh...

I haven't had a nice dream in a long time. And why.. why are people's ideas so boring to me? Am I just that weird. Is it really just me? Does nobody think the ideas are boring and not fun at all? I'm sorry, I really don't mean to be an asshole but I can't help the way I feel.. it's just not fun to work with people who are so.. straight. Or maybe the problem just really lies with me. I still find the last project I did with them a total failure. It wasn't that great. The male lead wasn't good enough, didn't even look the part.

Two film choices:

1)A blind guy who can't see, thinks his girlf is pretty and when he can see, he compares her to other girls and relationship worsens. (romance, drama)

2)A girl stalks a guy she likes. (romance, comedy)

Sigh. I don't know what to think... I hope Choon is okay and not tired yet. I know I'll get bored if I have to listen to my favourite songs on repeat. Plus he has to cycle 70km.. == that's really crazy. He's cycling with the minister of manpower lol. Cool.

And.. sweet means a guy who will let you wear his shoes when you're tired from wearing your heels even if his shoes are oversized for you. xD meeeeeeeeeeooooooooooowwwwww how could anyone not like their boyf then? Lalala~

2010-06-05T10:11:00.000+08:00

There comes a time when you learn how not to give a fuck anymore.

2010-06-04T21:46:00.001+08:00

I was thinking I should rewrite my Dystopia story. I suddenly have the urge to start writing again. But I hardly have the time for it nowadays. Sigh. Too much homework. Ugh.

2010-06-02T13:59:00.004+08:00

(edited. i spelt his name too nicely)

I really want to get a new FF game. I really want to get a new PS so I can play games and Xbox is really pissing me off because it keeps DYING ON MEEEEEEEEE. PCB. I have something to say, something which really disgusts me. I just saw two butt cracks within 5 minutes. One was the butt crack of Duane, the Singapore Idol whom I so very much detest because he's.. really gross. He's just the kind of person that makes me cringe. I wonder if Ethel and Shuwei ever felt that way, since they know him. Another one was an anonymous girl. Both disgust me because both are kind of not at all sexy. Yeah.

I was thinking about having a chalet. But I doubt people are gonna go because they might be too busy or too lazy and BBQ is always a bad idea. Or maybe people just make it a bad idea because it takes too long to set up a fire and then food still needs to be cooked and by then people would be grumpy and sulky. And the mood is ruined. I think BBQ is a good idea only with new friends because with new friends you wouldn't want them to see how pissed you are. Then everybody is happy. Whywhywhyyyyyyyy. But then the most fun can only be had with close friends, I suppose. Because it makes you happy when your friends are happy. So naturally, everybody is happy. I'm so bored and I miss Mr. Slow right now. And some people can be really anal about stuff. I mean, if you want to be firm about your stand on a certain issue, no need to be a biatch about it. Right? Huhuhuh? Yeah, I'm kind of cranky right now.. Sigh. Hope it doesn't affect me too much in the next few days.

I'm thinking about AuditionSEA right now.

2010-06-01T15:41:00.002+08:00

Tiring. Having meetings in the morning is so tiring. I can hardly live without coffee nowadays. I don't like being so far from my close friends. I just want another girls' talk. It's so stress-relieving. I can't wait for the holidays to start and maybe we can all go Sakura and have some shitty buffet but of course, with friends, who cares if it is shitty? Or maybe all of us can just have pizza. Yeah, sounds like a good plan. Just eat like crazy for one day, without caring about the consequences. Hehee~

I wanna go out with Mr. Slow too. But then he might be busy. ]: Sigh. And I wanna play Audi too. UGHHHHH whywhywhy!?!??! So many things, so little time. If I could, then I would just heck care all my homework. And now my EZ link card has some fucking problem. WAHLAUUUUU stress.

2010-05-30T11:01:00.002+08:00

I have something to say. CHICKEN MEAT SUCKS. I hate it. It's so boring, and also kind of disgusting if not cooked properly. I like ~~dog~~ fish the most. Second is beef. Third is pork. THERE IS NO PLACE FOR CHICKEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But of course, I still have to eat it because it's such a common meat and everybody cooks chicken. If I don't eat chicken, I'll die a lot earlier.

I've recently started playing AuditionSEA again! It's kind of fun. But I also kind of hate losing which makes me want to quit. =x I know~ What a bad player.

Projects are coming in, flooding my brain. I'm still procrastinating. Aiya, I'm always procrastinating. I wish I had some kind of motivation but I don't. Marks don't motivate me. And since the project isn't interesting, it doesn't motivate me either. Sigh. I think teachers would shake their heads at me. This kind of student, who wants? I recently got back my results on a test about Web Design and I only got 68, which really SUCKS. And once again, my class is last in the whole cohort. The classes that I go to are always last in everything. So I guess I really suck at scoring well. Gah.

Mr. Slow is coming over for lunch~ Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

2010-05-25T20:54:00.002+08:00

Lengthy post about nothing:

It's so suffocating. I am just so afraid and terrified right now. There isn't anyone to talk to and I don't want to bother Choon. Besides, he's also stressed out anyway. I might just give him stress overload if I talk to him right now. Tomorrow things will be better but then I just have to figure out how to get from here to tomorrow. I hate reality. I really hate it. I hate the fact that we're all just working to survive so we won't die of gradual starvation. I feel so lost. I have no idea what to do with my life. I want to be a writer. I want to be an actress. I want to be a poet. I want to be an artist. I want a simple life but no, because the world has to make it so fucking difficult for everyone and everyone has to be so stressed because everyone needs to feed their family.

I just don't feel like going back to school anymore. I don't have the passion for it. I don't really want to talk non-stop on the radio or TV or some camera. I don't really want to sell products successfully if it means that I have to be logical. Yes, I hate that we have to be logical most of the time. I don't really want to break down messages from the media. It's not like it's something new to me anyways. I mean other than the official terms and stuff, I haven't learnt anything new that has made me go, "Wow, really?" Other than how to do proper filming and web designing, I think I haven't learnt much. I understand that it's good for me to be in FMS but somehow I just don't feel grateful. I feel.. blah. I feel like I would probably have more passion about a job involving criminal psychology. That does sound interesting. But knowing me I probably would just lose interest halfway too. == Ugh.

Sigh.. then again, maybe it's just my PMS or something like that.

2010-05-25T19:09:00.002+08:00

I am kind of scared.

2010-05-17T20:30:00.002+08:00

Can't even eat what I want without feeling like a damned pig! Wish I had more self-control.

I HATE MY BODYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. And Hossan Leong can be really funny sometimes..

There's a girl in my class who really likes to dress up (sometimes a bit too suggestively) and I feel like asking her if she doesn't mind accidentally revealing her ass or something. I feel like such a perv but I can't help but stare everytime she wears something that looks so... you-know-what. ]: I feel like a creep. I probably am.. Sigh.

Soon I'll have L4D2 in my computer again!!!!!!! Yes ah. And I get to do a project with a girl I really like. YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.

I recently took a test in class and I feel like I failed. I probably did. Sigh. It makes me feel even worse knowing that it should've been something that I'm not so bad at. I just want to drown in my own puke. Or punch myself. Or sit and cry and kick up a big fuss until somebody gives me some ice cream. Preferably tiramisu.. or rum&raisin. Heheeee. Speaking of ice cream, we did some weird class activity where we had to come up with new and unusual flavours for ice cream. My group came up with Mee Soto and mango mixed together. Another group came up with elephant mucus (wtfxcz!?!?) and the last group came up with egg tart flavour or seaweed flavour. Ew, seaweed.

I HAVE A TWO-HOUR CLASS TOMORROW AND AFTER THAT CHOON IS COMING OVER TO PLAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY~~~~~~~ I like playing games.

Also, my grandaunt Daisy has a biggggggg house. It's fucking enormous. She's fierce to her maids, which I don't really like... but at least she only yells at them. And then my sister agrees with me that all big houses should come with at least one dog. The house was so big so I was hoping to see a dog but NOTHINGGGGGGGGGGG. So we were both disappointed. ]:

2010-05-01T22:54:00.001+08:00

~~It's scary but the truth is I only need one person. Wonder if that's okay?~~

2010-05-01T21:54:00.002+08:00

I like making dango. I like eating dango with brown sugar. I like going out with Mr. Slow. And he just told me he witnessed a couple fighting downstairs and it was really loud so it attracted a lot of people to go and watch. See, you probably won't find this kind of scene somewhere else and people won't stand and watch so blatantly, so unlike Singapore. =x Rofl. Gotta go play now!

2010-04-30T13:58:00.003+08:00

I'm currently in class and it's so boring that I've resorted to playing ferryhalim and blogging. I still have to attend CCA later which I regret at this moment because I have no idea what to bring. Ugh, I just want Saturday to come soon so I can go out.

Have to go give the school my fingerprint so that they can identify me or whatever. Then after that.. probably 2 hours of gaming by myself. How sad.

2010-04-21T22:17:00.002+08:00

Going to school is just freaking irritating because I look at those girls everyday and I think to myself, "I should jump off a building right now." Sigh. And then today was extremely bad for me. Ugh, just one of those times where you want to find the deepest hole in the ground and bury yourself inside so you won't have to see anything and you can just die there.

Tomorrow school ends at 8.30pm. I hope they end earlier.. And what the hell, even though my classmates don't look 17, some of them sure act like they're 12. It's so annoying. GROW THE FUCK UP. Or maybe it's just annoying for today because of you-know-what. I hate having a uterus. And considering how ginormous the fucking campus is, it's ridiculous that it's so hard to find a damn toilet. Also, I think there's something wrong with the students here. Some girls are so fucking retarded that they don't know how to piss. How retarded do you have to be when all you have to do is sit and piss? But yet they piss all over the place. Really? The pretty faces and this is how you piss? They don't even have the decency to clean up after themselves. What kind of animals are we raising here.

On the bright side, the evening was well spent! Yay~!! I love coming back from school to my neighbourhood. I like that Mr. Slow and I live in the same neighbourhood. I like meeting up with Mr. Slow. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

On a random note, sometimes I'm thinking about something totally unrelated and then Megan Fox pops up in my brain.

2010-04-20T20:17:00.002+08:00

I am kinda sad because Mr. Slooooooooww is sad and also, my internet is laggy for some weird reason. Anyway, his comp decided to take a break. Permanent or not, it hasn't been confirmed. Sigh. I hope it goes back to normal since he really needs to study and all.

Somehow I don't like going to school. Sure I meet a lot of nice people. Oh while we're on the topic, I met this pretty girl who was supposed to attend the same lecture as me (which got cancelled, which means we went to school for nothing) and she was telling me about her views on the FOC thing. She said it wasn't all that fun and something about them trying too hard to make friends and blah blah blah I wasn't really paying attention because honestly, I was sort of checking her out. Fuck I'm sick. I know. ..]: Pardon me. She's really tall too. And she didn't give me her name. I thought it was the normal way of doing things, since she asked for my name. I felt too shy (yes dammit) to ask for her name so I just left it at that. Then ~~she~~ we talk and she comes from Bedok Green and surprisingly, didn't qualify for Mass Comm based on O' level results and instead got in through direct admission. I don't know whether to be awed or not. Finally collected my shirt.

I joined two CCAs. One is called the Leo club and another is some Japanese club. The Leo club gives me the CCA points I need and the Japanese club gives me the fun I need. I hope it's fun and doesn't become a chore after awhile.. the hours are pretty long. I hear Dillon might join the Leo club too! JTC is hosting some meet-the-freshies session this Thursday and there is going to be icebreaker games and stuff like that which I so hate because I just want to go for the Joel & Adib birthday party thingy. It's a good thing school starts late on Friday. Think I'm going to hate Thursdays for this Semester and I'm going to like Mondays, even if school starts at 8 in the freaking morning.

I really dread school. ]: Hais. Don't know why. Maybe it's the loneliness, the distance.. blahblahblah. Might I add, the girls there do NOT look 17. I wonder how old I look? Everybody looks so mature that it's so intimidating and I can't guess how old they are just by looking at them.

Everytime I come back from school, I realise how much I like being home in my neighbourhood where things are familiar. And sometimes it makes me want to cry. Kinda like the feeling of when I was in primary school and I couldn't stand leaving my house. I'd feel guilty for staying at home but I'd still prefer it than going to school because it was so scary and loud there. Plus during recess there were just too many people.

Gahhhhhhhhh this is me, NOT looking forward to school.

2010-04-18T19:28:00.003+08:00

Waiting for Mr. Slow to finish so I can go eat with him. Meanwhile...

I'm busy worrying about tomorrow because we have PE (or Sports&Wellness, as they so like to call it) and I haven't got my shirt. I also don't know where the hell I'm supposed to meet them for the class anyways. I can almost see how poly life is going to be. And I have some kind of consent form with me which I have no idea how to hand back to them. They mentioned something about pigeon holes but I don't know where to find them. Also, it's kind of scary because they said they were very strict about deadlines so who knows, I may already have flunked my semester one by just keeping that consent form with me. Sigh. I hate that I don't clear up all these questions because they seem like insignificant questions yet can lead to such devastating consequences like getting dismissed from school, which I don't quite mind but Mr. Slow would because his brain would burst and that wouldn't do him any good because that means he wouldn't have a brain and we would both be idiots together. Not that I mind being an idiot together with him BUT ANYWAY I digress.

Does anybody have the same problem I do? Or does everybody just know where to go automatically and am I just.. stupid? My dog just walked in and looks so cute right now. GAHHHHH can I cook him and eat him, please? I think I'm sick. Sometimes I fantasize about what dog meat would taste like but NO WORRIES, I'll never eat family (awww~).

Mr. Slow isn't done and now my finger about to bleed... I hate my bad habits. I wonder what kind of projects I'll get this year? After the introduction that day, I feel more motivated. Like the I-just-want-to-do-so-well-in-everything-or-I'll-die kind of thing. Okay, I have one owwie. I hope I get to work with nice people.

2010-04-16T22:50:00.003+08:00

Induction Day Camp didn't go so well. It was kinda lonely and boring at the same time. I think I have a problem with making friends now. Ugh. Felt so damn awkward sitting with strangers and yes, the solution SEEMS so simple -- just don't make them strangers. But it's so difficult and I feel so extra because they all have their own clique and I have a small fear it'll turn out to be like that story I read where the friends aren't really all that friendly and have all kinds of really scary drama. GAH. Highlights of that day? Pizza with two girls and a DATEEEEEEEEEEE. WOOOOOOOOOOOO I love hanging around at night.

Okay, so.. girls in my course are really pretty. Oh what the heck, girls in FMS are really pretty. And almost all of them have the same style. All hyper. All English-y. All so FLAWLESS. Damn, I'm so envious. And suddenly, it's as if nobody speaks Chinese at the Poly and I'm beginning to miss the sound of it. Yeah, starting to feel like I'm definitely going to die in Ngee Ann. Oh well, I've lived a pretty okay life.

SCHOOL STARTS ON MONDAY. Haven't collected my S&W shirt.

2010-04-07T23:03:00.002+08:00

Dying my hair again tomorrow! And probably gotta go for some briefing soon. Hopefully I don't have to go alone... ]]: I hate going to Ngee Ann alone. Everyone there looks scary. About my mac.. I haven't done anything. I think I missed some kind of deadline but I don't know what. Rofl. I should probably check it out x_x but I think I'll do it tomorrow. I'm too lazy to do anything right now. UGHHHHH no studying mood at all. Expecting to flunk school. Probably going to miss a few days of school for this year too. Old habits die hard, see. =x Hehe. Nobody I know of is in Mass Comm, which is really weird considering how popular it is said to be. But then I guess it's better that way and I can learn to be independent! .. Who am I kidding. I'll probably die the moment I fall behind if I don't get to know some classmates. Greatttttttttttttttttttt.

Haven't Audi-ed with Daniel for a VERYYYYY long time. I feel like eating stuff. But.. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I must have self-control. Difference between need and want! I just want a really cheesy pizza right now.. T______T I don't want school to start... Yes, I'm still a lazy bum, no matter what.

2010-03-31T15:53:00.003+08:00

Watching Scrubs makes me want to be a nurse, if they were all so cute and funny. And the way they talk, even if what they say isn't actually funny, just makes me laugh.

Sleepy afternoon.

2010-03-25T23:35:00.002+08:00

Feeling weird knowing that I have to go to work tomorrow and it's going to be a busy day. I wouldn't mind if I could wear my usual clothes but I have to wear working clothes that look presentable. Probably going to sleep soon. Hehe.. Choon is staying overnight with me!! And we can do all kinds of funny things ~~like making out~~. And maybe we can go eat tang yuan. YES AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Played L4D2 with the guys yesterday. It sucked. THE GAME SUCKS. And I, of course, am totally blameless because the game sucks, not the gamer. =x Feel like going lan with Dan and we can play without his stupid comp lagging him to death. But I think it might be a little awkward and people might misunderstand though I don't really mind just that they'll be saying stuff again which ANNOYS the fuck outta me. And someone unexpected smsed... im speechless..................

WHATEVERRRRRRRRRRRRRR. Okay, getting over it~ Uhmzzzzz, kept losing in Audi again, just one of those days. Wow can't wait for poly to start.. kinda. Cause I feel so boliao. But I also don't feel like giving up my freedom.. ]: GRRRRRRRRRRR messy.

That's all, folks!

2010-03-24T01:59:00.004+08:00

Sometimes I think my teacher is really smart.. and he's right about me being kind of vicious. GAH. Whatev! Getting my Macbook on Friday. Woohoo?

~~Dee, I'm so sorry. I know, it's so typical of me. I just hate that you can read me so well.~~

2010-03-21T02:47:00.001+08:00

I wish I could tell you.

2010-03-19T09:59:00.001+08:00

Holy eff at Mariah Carey's vocal range.

2010-03-19T07:15:00.002+08:00

I was told I can keep my purple hair. -is happy-

I'm soooooooooooooo boreddddddddddddddddaaaaahhh. Going Ruixian's house today. And when I said I was going my friend's house, I think my mum thought I'm going to Choon's house. But on the bright side, I won't be spending money today! I think. So my mum is okay with it. I got up early today, if you haven't realised. I couldn't sleep, too much energy. I'm getting heavier.. Ugh. And there was a beetle just now but I killed it already. I got too restless to wait for the day to get closer to morning and just decided to play the piano which I thought my neighbours couldn't hear but it seems I'M WRONGGGGGG. Gah. I wanted to ignore the first one but then I was afraid moarrrrrr would come and there would be hoards of humans trying to bang down my door and break my piano. Muthafuckas. I love early mornings~ Because it's the time when it's most effective to annoy people, if you like vulgarities and rude gestures. LALALALALALA~

Soz. Imma dye my hair again soon. Soon... Having a chalet too! A little weird. Don't know if I'll be going. But then.. it sounds like funnnnn. I hope there are no strangers because I don't like strangers unless they become my friends and then we'll no longer be strangers but it's hard for strangers to become my friends because I just don't like strangers without any valid reason but it's okay for me to not like strangers because I have my reasons even if they aren't... valid. I was watching "Are you smarter than a 5th grader?" and it.. irritated me. I don't like being irritated because I'm the one that does the irritating. I feel like watching Remember Me. I don't know what kind of story it is but it looks interesting. Did I mention why I hate cockroaches? It's because they cling to you. THEY CLING TO YOUR SHIRT. And it's fucking disgusting. Fucking disgusting insects should just fucking die or never fucking exist at all. Anyways, back to topic. I'm getting another part-time job which is really cool but also really weird. It doesn't have a name. I just count people. So I'm a people-counter?

I think I should go back to sleep but I really can't since my mum made tea for meeee and I heart tea. Dillon is taking German, or planning to. I want to try French and I hope it doesn't kill me. My dog is stepping on my bladder naoz and I feel like peeing. =x Paws off my bladder, please. Oh my GOOOOOOOOOOOOOSHHHH I really have to go pee. I don't like the Alice song. But Avril Lavigne's hair is kewl. Me likez long and swishy hair. And she's kind of pretty anyhowz. Now I know why Alice wasn't played by a more Alice-y character. And I'm kind of sad. I wish it was the original. But no matter! Watching Clash of the Titans. I doubt my mum will be watching it even though she wants to but she says she doesn't have the time for it. I like the old version so maybe I'll like the modern one better. I'm feeling kind of hot now. It's stuffy in my room.

Caspar is sleepingzzzzzzz.

I just read yesterday somewhere online that the Dresden Dolls don't really like Panic at the Disco. Actually, the lead singers don't like each other. Fuck. I really liked them both. ...I still do. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I'm really bored but I think I'll shut up now. Shall go play some audition and get back my skills. ]: fucking audition. FUCKKKKKKK.

2010-03-13T14:59:00.002+08:00

UGHHHHH. Irritated. Frustrated.

2010-03-09T23:43:00.002+08:00

Watched Alice in Wonderland. I thought it was a remake of the original.. but I guess not! I kind of pity the red queen and the jabberwocky. Plus I think I like things more when I realise they can talk. Haha. I was planning not to go for any of the orientation camps but then Dillon wants me to go for the Freshmen camp. UGHHHHHHHHH. Oh well, I guess I should try and make friends.. == I HATE MAKING FRIENDSSSSSSSSS. So awkward. On the bright side!!!!!!!!!! I love bread. And the Pokedex says for Moltres.. "Known as the legendary chicken of fire.." Sounds funny. Bwaaaaahahahahahahaha.

Sigh.. feeling kind of frustrated. I hate being reminded of bad things. Think I may have been an elephant in some other life, since it's always so hard for me to forget.

2010-03-07T15:34:00.003+08:00

HMMMMMMM. Watching Ranma 1/2 now. XD I miss watching it. Going to Sentosa again tomorrow. Don't really feel like it but then I would probably spoil their mood if I don't go. On the bright side... CASPAR IS CUTE. He's sitting with me now~ Peaceful afternoon. Feeling confused inside. I hate thinking. I wish I didn't have a brain. I wish I didn't have feelings. Sian.

~~Looks like I've lost the game.~~

2010-03-04T21:55:00.002+08:00

FUCK NGEE ANN POLYTECHNIC BECAUSE...

I just found out I need a Macbook for my course. Which really sucks ass because that means my laptop could've been a desktop and now I'll need to spend money buying the new laptop or (even worse) try to borrow from my sis for 3 whole years and I JUST WANT TO FUCKING DIE NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

T_T ... feeling like rojak. And wanting to eat rojak. ROJAKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.

KnnbpcblalalalalalallalalalalalaFUCKNGEEANN.

2010-03-01T22:07:00.002+08:00

What have I been doing? Actually, I don't really know. I haven't been keeping track. All I know is that I've been going out a lot. Rofl. I miss Shuwei.

On Saturday, we went to YJC for some carnival thingy which was okay.. just that the sun was sibeh hot. Lolllllllllllllllllllllll the guys said YJC doesn't have any chiobus. Stuff there was really expensive. Like.. really expensive. Yeah. But since I already bought coupons from Jiahao, it wasn't that bad. I saw a doll which had blood all over its legs so it either a) was having menses or b) got a pcb.

Sunday, they had a soccer match at Siling. Lost. And I could tell Clarence was kind of upset. HUHHHHHHHHH. Sad day.

I want to go Chinatown soon pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. I'm so fucking hungry.

~~Sigh. It's so suffocating. But I can't be selfish because it can't always be about me. It really gets so exhausting sometimes.~~

2010-02-25T22:51:00.003+08:00

~~It's so tiring. Why is it so much to bear? Why can't I be a little better?~~

「あの人」の笑顔のためなら私はがんばります。

神様、
どうかあたしに生きる勇気をください。

2010-02-23T23:29:00.002+08:00

Today I was playing with make up and all my costumes. Feel like going for one of the Japanese festivals again. And this time I should get my apple. I bought clothes with Shuwei. HMMMM doubt I'll wear them, actually. Maybe the pants. Can't wait to watch Alice in Wonderland.

Sigh.

2010-02-23T08:05:00.002+08:00

Still can't sleep. I can't tell whether it's really cold or not anymore.

2010-02-23T01:03:00.003+08:00

Just rewatched 'There She Is!' and watched a famous video called 'Draw with Me'. Fucking sad, I think.

2010-02-23T00:29:00.001+08:00

どんなに胸が痛くても
そばにいるの

2010-02-21T23:27:00.003+08:00

Don't feel like sleeping!! I hate festivals. I hate celebrating festivals. I hate celebrating festivals by eating lots of fattening food. I must be determined. I must lose weight! And.. I want tang yuan =x

Okayyyyy. Supposed to buy a shoe that fits properly but couldn't find one my size. Supposed to buy a pair of shorts that fits properly but couldn't find one my size. Supposed to find a shirt that doesn't fit properly but all were my size. SIBEH SIAN. Most of my friends miss school. But I still really hate it and don't miss it at all. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Been talking to my old friend again. It appears we share the same fate. But at least he has found his true friends for life so I guess he'll be okay. Though he's so different now. Like.. he's more tired. He sounds so tired and apathetic.

Going to work tomorrow~! Woohoo!

素敵だね
二人手をとり　歩けたなら

2010-02-20T14:41:00.000+08:00

Sian. Bruised ego.

2010-02-15T21:19:00.003+08:00

Feeling so bloated from all the new year goodies. I hate having parties with my parents. Actually, just hate having parties with my mum.

And we're going around tomorrow to go bai nian and stuff. WOOHOOOOO. Plus shopping on thurs. [[[[: Maybe I can buy another shirt? ROFLLLLLL. I need pants too. And tang yuan. And tau suan. And you tiao. And exercise. OMGGGGGGGGG I NEED TO FUCKING LOSE SOME WEIGHT.

Hm. I had no idea my Malay cousin wanted to become a journalist. Kewlz. And this year, one of my cousins got retained in Sec 3 because he got into a fight and the principal just didn't like his face. o.O

2010-02-14T23:14:00.002+08:00

I fucking love this date. And I fucking love PostSecret.

Sian, this year no CNY cake. Mum doesn't wanna cook, so I guess I might have to do it myself. It's kinda troublesome.. ]: Ooh I got ang baossssss.

I'm confused nowwwwww. I'm happy but also worried. I just can't stop worrying. I don't like being so happy, because it feels so dangerous being too happy. If something goes wrong then I'm dead. And.. I'm going Ngee Ann. Sigh. Knowing that just makes me feel like shit. Now that I think about it, it's kinda scary to meet the people there. What if they are all English snobs? I don't want to become like that. Or what if I'm not nice enough? My teacher told me not to be too mean. But I can't help it!! I just.. tell it like it is. And what if the teachers start noticing me because of my hair? Or because I'm always late? I like being invisible. I'm secretly proud that random strangers praise my hair X3 most of them were Malays. Muahahaha. Okay, nvm. Meowlyn = vainpot. UHHHHHH I just really really hope I don't get too lonely at Ngee Ann. ]]]]]]]]]]:

Happy Valentine's day to all!! Although most couples won't get to celebrate.. Rofl.

2010-02-12T21:13:00.002+08:00

My life has been so up that I couldn't be bothered to update my blog =x LONG POST (aka boring) TODAYYYYY.

Well, okay.. where shall we start? Wait, Imma go bathe first. -afk-

BACK. Okay, let's begin from the after the day that my sis saw me. We planned to go to the library just to slack and then Choony came over before we met the rest cause I wanted to play with his hair. WOOHOOOOOOOOO. And then when we were about to leave my house... Choon, being the ultimate KPK, shouted, "BYE BYE JIEJIE!!" FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK. Later that day, my sister told my mum about it. Rofl. Okay, nvm, no big deal. Did I mention Dillon and Choon really love to eat fattening stuff? Like KFC and Macs. _l_ what about me!? I'm a girl.. I can't get fat.. ]: Anywayyyyys, at the library, super brainiacs like Dillon and Ruixian who can still remember their Amaths did some Amaths stuff for fun while Choon was reading some Physics book. Me? I don't remember. The librarian came, kp-ed us for using five chairs and was a supermegauber bitchzoid so noble Weihong sacrificed his chair and sat on the floor. Then I ran off to the toilet and when I came back Ruixian had run off because something happened. =x We tried to talk to her that night but then somehow she and Dillon had some kind of fight and Dillon was kinda upset ]: and so was Ruixian.

NEXT DAYYYYY. We went to Choon's house because he needed to take care of his sister. Watched Up and Year One. Somehow, everything got sorted out between Dillon and Ruixian it was okayyyyyyyy. Ended up going to Swensens and the guys went to disiao a girl again. == Omg.. Some girl called Lim Wei who just happens to stay in the same flat as me. Awesome. She's cute. Heheeeee~

TODAYYYYYYYYY. Went to gym with them. My brain almost fell out. Almost. Saw a lot of nice butts at the gym.. kinda tempting to smack =x MMMMMKAYYYYYYYYYYY. Went to Woodlands checkpoint to eat. Weehee! I heart hawker centres. And then blah blah blah came home. Reunion dinner with my relatives. Hm. Theodore is really huge. He looks heavy. Last time, he was just chubby. Now he's so muscular and blahhhhhh. Wonder when he's getting a girlfriend? And Thaddeus is also becoming more mature. I did not know he played the viola.. Sigh. I want to learn violin!! Chester didn't come today. All my cousins are so talented. I think I'm really wayyyyyy below them.

I should be going out tomorrow again. Sian.. really don't have anything to give Choon, just made him a pathetic card.

Feel like I haven't seen Clarence and Joel in ages.

~~Time really heals all wounds. I've forgotten their faces, their voices, the reasons why I never really liked them.~~

2010-02-09T22:53:00.002+08:00

Hais. Been having random headaches these few days. Today was the worst. Sian... Need to find a day to go visit the doctor again.

Supposed to watch Year One today, but didn't have enough time so we ended up just playing soccer and eating at Fushan again. FUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKK Fushan is fucking dangerous because Choon and I were happily sitting there and then my sister walked past and stared at me. AND SHE UM CHIO. HOLY SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTT. But luckily, when I came home, she didn't mention anything about it. Wah seh.

Sigh. Going library tomorrow! Wahahaha. And I just realised I can't bake cookies for Choon cause he has a cough. SIAN.

I'm worried. Why is he making it so hard for me to let go? Why can't he just seriously treat me like shit so I won't miss him? Why can't he just like someone else! I hate the fact that everything has to end. I wish we had more time..

2010-02-08T23:29:00.002+08:00

As predicted, I came back from Sentosa sunburnt. Fun day. Going out with them can be sibeh xiasuay sometimes. The guys always do some funny shit to the public. Wanted to visit some wax museum but couldn't make it soooooo went to eat SUBWAYYYYY. I fucking love Subway cookies. HAIS I'm kind of tan now. ]: I look funny. Going to Science centre on 11th! Probably gonna bake the lao po bing for Choon plus a card plus a possible cake? Especially since he won't tell me what he likes.

Just talking to an old friend. He seems troubled. And now I feel so shitty because I want him to feel better but he doesn't want to tell me the problem and I can't help like that!! Guys are so weird. UGHHHHHH really hate this bloody feeling.

We probably only have two months left. I don't know if I should tell him, or if I should just wait and see what happens. I guess if I really have no choice then I have to tell him.. I hope I'm lucky, then I won't be the one to tell him. I just want to enjoy whatever time we have now.

2010-02-07T19:58:00.003+08:00

So irritating. I hate CNY. I really hate it. Because everybody starts cleaning up the house and then they get so frustrated about the smallest things and I just don't understand why they're so stressed. I can't even walk about the house normally without having someone yell at me. They will scream at me to clean my room, scream at me to clean the ceiling, the fan, anything as long as I clean something, even if it's already clean. Wahlauuuuuu.

Hais. Can't wait for tomorrow. Then I won't have to be home.

Today, guest speaker was Rev Rusty Russell who came and healed the sick by miracles. Not that I don't appreciate the gesture but.. it was freezing and he kept TALKING so I was shivering and really, it doesn't feel nice. HAISSSSSSSSS. Smlj christian am I muhnnnnnn!!!!

Fuck. Now I have to clean the toilet. Cheese pie!!

2010-02-07T15:14:00.002+08:00

I feel like sleeping but it doesn't feel right because I'll feel too lazy. There's really nothing much to do now.

~~Sigh. I said I would be a better friend but still I can't do it. I'm just no good.~~

2010-02-07T00:15:00.002+08:00

Sian. Heavy again. UGHHHHH let's try to survive on water for awhile. T_T.. so ugly.

Worked today! Another $80 in my pocket. I should give it to my dad for fuel. Though.. I feel kind of greedy. Hais. And today, fat lady with the poodle come kajiao us. == She has too much time. Felt like telling the policemen to warn her about disturbing the wrong kind of people. After all, if some gangsters got irritated, the police won't be fast enough to save her. >.> And Weihong is seriously mean. But funny. Rofllllllllll.

Going to Sentosa on Monday. JC students won't be joining usssssssss. ]: I'm kind of happy my piano is back but I only know so little songs. Hais. Gonna need a favour from Joel again. Sian, don't feel like asking Joel for help anymore, not when he's so troubled. What to do at Sentosa? Get darker? I really like being yellow T_T

I feel like I need to focus on my art now. And I should probably pick a date to go zoo for some sketching fun.

2010-02-05T15:06:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, Ruixian was having some serious issues about her family and about guys' insensitivity again. Went to play with sparkles and Ruixian wanted to drink and we all just ended up drinking. Ruixian was kind of high and Dillon was trying to keep up with her drunk state. Weihong and Choon were telling each other stuff I think. And Choon was telling me, "I think they're getting close again." Or something.

Then somehow I managed to get my hands on a half a bottle. Then my head got really heavy. But weihong wanted to buy some more so I said I'd share with Choon and then somehow Choon didn't drink a lot so I drank a lot and then my head got REAAALLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYY heavy and blah blah blah and I started crying and blah blah blah all of them left except Choon and blah blah blah we talked. Yeah. And we stayed for quite a long time and I was wondering if Choon's parents were going to kill him or something. We went home and he walked me to my lift and I said, "Keys." and there were two ladies who thought I said, "Kiss." and apparently, so did Choon. ROFLLLLLL funniest moment of the night.

Gained weight. ]: Sigh.. why can't I be skinnyyyyyyy. Most of them are working today.

Joel is sad today, because his appeal failed and he really doesn't like Aerospace I guess. I wanted to appeal into SP's Creative Writing for New TV and Media but then I got lazy and decided not to. Oh well, let's just hope we don't have to see anyone unpleasant. Joel's going down to NP next monday to sort some things out I guess. Sigh, I wish him all the best. I really hate to see someone like that. Sucky feeling. Just like when Choon suddenly turns quiet and I can't really tell what he's thinking.

I heart where I am right now, just being among friends who care. -bliss-

2010-02-02T23:35:00.002+08:00

Shuwei's birthday is coming up. Baked cookies today, but most of them have disappeared and I feel a little too tired to bake anymore. Sigh. My dog is cute. I feel angry but.. never mind, let's save it for another day. Ugh, I'm awful. I'm really.. awful... Hais. This doesn't make sense. And I shouldn't be so self-absorbed.

I really want to blog more but I just can't. I need to shut up. ]: What is love? Why does it disgust me but yet I still can't help it? Ugh. I hate it when people know what they shouldn't.

2010-02-01T09:47:00.002+08:00

The old skin got weird so I was forced to change. ]:

Yesterday we were playing some jurassic park survival thing. Lol I feel like a noob. ...Okay, I am a noob. So, the beginning of a new game addiction, I think. We played some evolution bug game thingy which they said was boring but I think it was kinda funny. Cause my bugs were all small bugs. And then Weihong's brother walked past me and his bugs were like WHOAAAAAAAAA. Or issit just that my bugs are so puny that anything is WHOAAAAAAAAAAA? Lol at me cause next day on the mrt I kena disiao. == what a sad life.

Today we're going to watch Imaginarium! And why the fuck did they give it such a long name. Though.. it does sound nice. I heard it sucks though.. so I feel like watching it alone, just in case it sucks. I don't know. Wait, let's ask Joel. Okay.. he's not there.

Soccer today. Wah seh I love it~ But got some stuff to do before that.. which will take a lot of nerve.. just like 22 May 2008. LOL...... BUT NO SUCH CASE. No, I must try my best not to like anyone. Uhm. HAIS. I feel so lost. Just called up SP and asked if I should write a letter but the fella told me chances are VERY low. VERYYYYYY low.

Fcuk. fuck fuck fuck fuck me for being indecisive.

What would you say
if I asked you not to go
To forget everyone, forget everything
And start over with me

2010-01-30T22:52:00.003+08:00

Sigh. The truth is.. everytime they talk about brotherhood and stuff, I feel so fucking lonely. And I feel like a fucking idiot. And I feel fucking jealous that they managed to find such people. Sigh.. I'm so fucked up. And I'm so fucking terrible..

2010-01-29T23:44:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, somnewhere between my third and fifth rib, it gets so cold that my whole body seems to freeze. I really hate that feeling. I really hate feeling weak and alone. I really hate remembering. And sometimes I suspect I might have been an elephant. I don't understand why I care so much, when it's been so long. I don't understand why it feels like the only person it scarred is me. And I'm tired of fighting this inevitable process. I just want to be free of this wretched cycle. I'm so ashamed to say that... I didn't have anyone with me throughout the entire thing. I still feel like I'll never be good enough. And I said I'd try my best. But this isn't my best. It really isn't. Because if it was then I'd be happier but I'm not. Why does it hurt so much?

2010-01-29T00:58:00.002+08:00

FUNNY: Today, I was editing the rough draft of a friend's paper on suicide. The opening sentence: "Suicide is when someone commits suicide." Oh, really? MLIA.

From MyLifeisAverage.com

2010-01-29T00:02:00.002+08:00

Sigh. Got into Mass Comm. I don't know if I'll like it. LOL. Aren't I so weird. I got into my first choice but yet I'm not happy. Hais. I'll be in Ngee Ann and I know there are plenty of people there who I don't wish to run into. Fuck sia.. I don't know if I should appeal for SP. But.. it's kind of stupid. After all, if I stay in Mass Comm, I'll definitely have a future even if I don't like it. And all my friends are applying for scholarship. WOW. Speaking of wow, Joel copied Warcraft into my computer. Awesome. I died like.. a few times already. LOLLLLLLL.

Hais. I know it's kind of childish but I just wish we all went to the same school... I don't like the feeling of drifting apart and I always fight too hard. It feels painful, even though we survived being in different schools before. But now it feels like it would hurt more because I seem to feel more than I did last time.

We watched Gamer today. WAH PCB IT WAS LIKE.. HOLY SHITTTTTTTTTTTTT. Cool, yes. But so porno at certain parts. == And the players are so... gross. There was a really fat guailan player who was disgusting and resembled Fat Bastard from Austin Powers. I want to watch Alice in Wonderland and The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus. I hope the Doctor Parnassus show isn't like Inkheart... because I'll be very angry~! And I watched Zombieland with them today. Wow. Funny. xD though I really don't quite understand why it's M18. Issit the language?

Recently we have been talking about Dota and the guys have been telling me about how they scold people. They usually get four people to play, so all four are friends and one guy is from the public. So everytime they lose, they scold the poor fella. And apparently... everytime the fella talks back and scolds back, they get very happy cause then they have a reason to start talking about the fella's family. And they told me about some incident and Foo's response was epic. So there was this guy who scolded them, and dared them to call his number. And that guy really gave his number. Then.. Foo said he was gonna put that number in every toilet and every bus stop he came across next time. LOLLLLLL the fella damn angry and started making noise and alalalalallalallahumjilalalallala and Foo just said they weren't as stupid as him to go and call the number. Rofl. Ah, my keyboard warrior friends xD

~~It felt so nice like some kind of bliss that I only had a glimpse of. I suppose that will be the snapshot, the way I will remember him, mine to keep, even though I know eventually I will forget.~~

2010-01-24T20:27:00.002+08:00

WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I'm so confused.. I don't know what to think. Hais... Just yesterday, the guys were talking about Saw and suddenly I felt like throwing up. Cruelty sickens me. Violence is okay. Gore is okay. Cruelty is not. And Weihong just ASKED me to go for soccer tomorrow at 9AM. WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK I don't need my sleep!? And so obviously I said no but then he said I should exercise and I agree I probably should exercise so I decided to go. Sigh. Diediedie.

BUT. Tomorrow we're going East Coast and we're going to cycle through the night! What fun. NOT. I don't mind cycling, but it will hurt like hell for my -ahem- if I cycle too long. I think I suggested wearing diapers. But I doubt they have any in my size.

On the bright side, I CAN GET FULL COMBO FOR 3245 TECHNO PARTY IN BEAT UP MODE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Awesome. I'm just so amazed. I totally rock. Yeah yeah. Well, actually I was practicing Mov Mov and I gave up and decided to do the techno party instead. AND IM AWESOME.

I really don't mind what happens now and then
As long as you'll be my friend at the end.

2010-01-23T11:21:00.001+08:00

Ah, I need to start focusing on my art now that I have so much time. But.. sigh, times like these make me wonder if I ever had any talent at all. I can't think of anything. I'm not sad enough?

2010-01-22T12:00:00.003+08:00

Grr. I know I should appreciate the gesture but it irks me when people think I need to be TAUGHT what to think. Didn't yo mama eva teach you not to force your thoughts on someone else!? -slap-

2010-01-22T00:57:00.002+08:00

I've been meaning to post, really. If you could check my account, you'd see many drafts.

I've been working as some surveyor. Hmm, met quite a few interesting people. And I've come to a conclusion about the people staying in Ang Mo Kio. Indians are very kind, especially old couples. Middle-aged Chinese men are pretty lazy, especially the fat ones. Malays are fine, but they get a little impatient halfway. Kind of sad... didn't see any nice guys. But I met this malay teenage guy who was wearing some Sharingan contacts and he was hiding behind the door when he opened it (he was barechested). And my first thought was that I had interrupted something indecent. So I stuttered. I met a Thai chick and two old people who didn't speak English too well so I had to translate a little and it was hilarious. UH lucky Choon wasn't there. And I got invited in to people's homes three times. I went in twice. Awesome. But the guys were all, "Eh don't go in la."

So far, I've earned $152. It's pretty fun. I want more but Weihong needs to earn too. AHHHHHHHHH next week I think we're going to have some fun! [: Tomorrow, I've gotta go with Pheebs to Yishun to meet some weird guy to do weird business. And she's worried she'll get her account hacked into. But then again, who wouldn't?

I'm craving oyster mee sua. Beef prosperity burger is nice~

I think I'm being too selfish to even think such a thing, especially since he's told me what he feels. I don't even understand why I like him so much. I can't tell if I actually like him or if this is just a memory that I respond to so instinctively that it just feels like I like him. Sigh. And the blade feels so familiar.

2010-01-16T01:07:00.002+08:00

Worked my ass off today. Or yesterday. Whichever. Hm.. tried to give my mother the money but she refused, which makes me want to give her the money even more. ..Wtf?

I've been meaning to throw away the sausages that my father gets from China. zzzzz. Yeah, seriously, they look weird. Like.. REALLY weird. I want a ramly burger. ]: Ravenoussssssssss. And Ethel and I were talking about going over to Clarence's house to stay over. WOOHOO! I want. [: Cause got mahjong. Rofl. HAAAAAA so far I'm addicted to most of the games they've introduced to me. L4D2 and mahjong and some of the other gambling games.

Ethel has had the misfortune of meeting a snob in secondary school. I have met several too, only they never had anything to be proud of. And they were total goons. LOL at snobs, especially the retards who think English is everything. Apparently being multilingual isn't good anymore.

Sigh.. he worries me. Pleasepleaseplease get better soon. Don't you know? Nobody has to go it alone.

2010-01-14T13:23:00.000+08:00

This feels horrible!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.

2010-01-13T13:21:00.000+08:00

Feels like fear all over again. I wasn't afraid at first, but Shuwei was talking about it. And then it began to set in. But I always pull through, don't I. I think the fact that I'm still normal has proved that I can take quite a bit. Yeah! And let's hope we don't meet any more goons, yes?

We watched Sherlock Holmes last night. I think the actor reminded me a little of Johnny Depp because of his speech and movement. Anyhoo, it was a good movie. Now, to watch Alvin and the Chipmunks! o.O And to find someone who would be willing to watch such a movie with me. I'm feeling kind of dehydrated. Heck, I'm always feeling dehydrated. What is wrong wimme! Am I dying!?

I need to get out. I feel like I haven't been in the sun for ages. My dad calls me a mole for hiding in my room everyday and not going out to play like a normal kid. Hi, you can call me krabbs and I am a mole.

2010-01-12T11:46:00.000+08:00

Hm. Yesterday I thought about it and realised some of ya'll might be curious about my marks. It wasn't good. Well, not good enough. But comparing with other students, it was average. Well.. I guess this is what I get for not really studying enough. Sigh. Mass communications...... ZZZZZZZZZ yeah it's unlikely I'll get in. Maybe I should go Singapore Poly instead? Leonard said he'd come visit if I did go there.. and the principal sounds kind of cool..

Now we're talking about poly choices on MSN, waiting for Choon to come back, also taking in the possibility that he might have gone out to do something stupid and weird because he didn't answer his phone. Or maybe my brain is just really imaginative? HMMMMMMMMMMM.

Sigh..... 12 choices. == I don't know where I want to go!

Well okayyyyyyyyy Imma go play Audition or something. Oh and I got 10 for L1R4 and 14 for L1R5, in case you were curious.. please don't laugh. ==

2010-01-11T23:46:00.001+08:00

Today, went out with the 6/7 peeps after results. All thought their marks weren't good enough, especially Dillon. == 11 for L1R5, we all wanted to punch him.

Ate at Vienna Seafood Buffet sth sth. It was okayyyyyyyyyyy. There was diluted wine there. Hm. == Weihong dared me to down 3/4 of a Q bottle thing. And I did. And........ HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. Well, it was fun. Until I toppled onto the floor and somehow smacked my head but did not break my head and Dillon carried me and dropped me halfway telling me I was heavy and I asked him if he was saying I was fat and he pretended not to hear me. Fuck. LOLLLLLLLLLLLLL. K imma sleep nao.

2010-01-11T23:39:00.000+08:00

I don't know what you're trying to do. My brain is too sodden with alcohol to think right now. I don't know why the fuck you're trying to screw me over. As if hurting me wasn't enough? Now you're after my friends? Sigh.

2010-01-10T21:13:00.001+08:00

Why are they all so troubled.. and the worst is they won't even tell me. I don't give a shit about them being guys or girls but nobody has to take it all alone.. _l_

Hais. I just dyed my hair. I'm kind of happy, yet worried someone will say something to tell me I should regret it. Ugh. Don't you just hate it when that happens? Hm. Tomorrow is the big day! Results, results. I wonder how it'll be? I hope I get results that are decent and not the kind that make people give me THE look. The look they give when they ask the wrong question and their eyes are full of pity and stuff. ]: But a hug is acceptable. But who gives hugs? They'd rather give the look.

Tomorrow I'm going to meet up with Pheebs first before going to school. And then Weihong wants me to change into uniform after that but I think I'll just come up with some lame excuse. WOOHOO DILLON'S TREATING US TO STARBUCKS!!!!!!! Ethel's going to be there, but I'm not sure about Shuwei. o.o Hm.

2010-01-08T20:44:00.000+08:00

Today, I stood up for a girl! Because there was a perve. So I scolded him. And he ran away! I feel so happy now ♪~

I need some water. ]: